Southern Living: Los Angeles

No, not the magazine your grandmother clips delicious butter-driven Paula Dean recipes from or some kind of ridiculously plausible Law and Order spin-off. I'm talking about my number one lifestyle concern about my fast-approaching move to Los Angeles.

Traffic? Nah, I'll keep some golf clubs in the trunk and figure that out quickly enough.

Smog? I drink around 19 diet cokes a day, so the aspartame will probably kill me first.

Ridiculous new hipster wardrobe? Who are we kidding, I can't wait!

Saturdays in the fall DON'T revolve around SEC football?!? NOW we have a problem.

I traveled to L.A. just after Thanksgiving to see some film school friends, reconnect with some industry contacts, and get a feel for the city. Weirdly enough, I happened to travel on the single most important day of the year: THE DAY OF THE IRON BOWL.

(If you're lost, ask anyone around you what the biggest rivalry in the history of college sports is. If you're alone because you read blogs instead of talking to people, here's a little background.)

To sum it up without bias*, Alabama has a long tradition built on some coach who ruined houndstooth forever and found success in the sixties and seventies that sent Alabama flags flying in trailer parks all over the southeast and drew in bandwagon fans like first cousins to a Tuscaloosa wedding chapel.

Auburn University, meanwhile, has been a shining beacon of all the good American values, and only a few of the redneck ones. While becoming the dominant football school over the past couple of decades (look it up), the good people of Auburn found it in their hearts to help their neighbors in Tuscaloosa rebuild after a devastating tornado, even after a crazed Alabama fan did this:

Sir Charles' ending quote says it all. I come from a really cool, sometimes messed-up place where this rivalry is instilled into your being from day one. How am I to survive LA's blase attitudes about football? (If you guessed, "Quit being such a fanatic" then you haven't been paying attention.) Seriously, ESPN's College Game Day will start at 8 AM! They think USC, a school that gets its pick of recruits from all of California and rarely has to face real opposition, is a powerhouse. Ask poor Matt Leinart or even Reggie Bush how that's working out for them in the pro's.

Thankfully, I found Big Wangs. No, surprisingly, I am not referring to a hip new west coast Asian fuison cafe that only serves orange, gluten free fare. To my delight, Big Wangs in LA is exactly what it sounds like in any other city: an awesome sports bar that serves "big wangs" and shows every SEC game on big screens. LA's Auburn club hosts weekly game watching parties, and suddenly it felt like home! The place vibrated with the hum of "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr.........EAGLE! HEY!!!" at every kickoff and I felt my brethren around me become increasingly depressed and intoxicated as the game wore on. Whatever, this year was a victory lap. Wait til Chizik's recruits filter in and everyone meets a developed Kiehl "Baby Cam" Frazier next year.

My LA friends loved it despite having no tie to the rivalry and were thankful I'd introduced them to a  new favorite sports bar. They were of course highly entertained by my alternating joy/rage strokes, one of which nearly concussed a waitress passing by. I began to apologize but then realized she was wearing an Alabama shirt, so I said, "What are you doing with that shirt on in our section?!?" Shocked and offended, she turned to the Auburn fan next to me for sympathy. Of course he was a gentleman and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, you hurt your hea---GET THAT SHIRT OUT OF OUR SECTION! WAR DAMN EAGLE!"

Ahhh, it's good to find home away from home.        








*Extreme, unsubstantiated, and/or totally "false" information may be included. WDE.